Love

Why does love suck? Actually let me rephrase that, "Why does love suck FOR ME?" what did I do to deserve this? Why did I always end up with the wrong guys? Is it me? Do I like chosing the wrong guys or what? I believe that I have always been good to them. I never did anything wrong to them...it was them that did me wrong and I really don't know why. What else did they want from me? They knew I loved them, they knew I cared a whole lot about them, they saw how I took care of them and I was always faithful to them. What was it lacking cause I was always there for them a 100%! These guys that I have been with has caused me to hurt so bad that it's a little hard for me to just trust any guys. These guys have caused me to be so cautious and so observant now. So really it's not my fault that I have become this way. I mean why would I want to get hurt again right? I honestly feel so F'n lonely and I am just not used to it really. I have been married to my ex-husband for almost 8yrs so I was used to that and now being single again is kind of hard for me and no it's not about the YOU KNOW WHAT part. I just miss having a partner, a best friend, just someone to be there for me, I miss the affection, I miss being loved and loving someone back and I miss being cared for and caring for someone back, I miss someone taking care of me and I def miss taking care of someone back. For some reason I just love taking care of my man. I just stopped doing it with my ex-husband when he started to do me wrong. So he probably thinks I am the worst wife out there, but he got what he deserves for doing me wrong in the past, but he apologized so I guess now we're sort of good friends. Anyway, I'm just a sucker for love. I am having the hardest time right now cause for some reason I have such deep feelings for a guy who doesn't feel the same way about me and I know that I am so stupid for even feeling this way for someone who is not on the same page as me actually he wants nothing from me. I know I should move on and a lot of people tell me that I should and they say talk to other guys and you will be able to forget about him and move on, but I can't! It's so hard!!!! I hate this!!! I want to move on cause of course I don't want to hold on to someone who doesn't feel the same way that I feel about him, but I don't know how. All I could think about it is how we spent time with each other and how much I had fun with him and I felt so happy when I was with him, but I don't even know if he even felt the same way I felt. I just remenisce about that and that's what makes it harder for me to move on. I care about him a whole lot and I hate seeing him suffer the way he is suffering now. I tried to be there for him and help him out in some ways that I can, but I'm not even sure if he actually cares or appreciates that I did those things for him, but then I don't even know if I should be even thinking that way about him cause I know that living his life without his kids is tough! I kind of know how he feels since I don't have my boys with me either. I know he feels guilty of being happy without his kids and I do understand that. Maybe that is why I should just leave him alone and let him be. That's probably the best thing to do. Is it? I don't know...I'm just so confused and lost and not knowing what to do. All I know is that I just want to be happy. I just want to live a happy life with someone and with my kids. It's all I want!